A Sad, Sad Day

This is a post I hope non of you girls in close relationships ever have to consider posting. Last night I ended my partnership with Peter.

We met almost five months ago and have been partnered for 4 of those months. He was intelligent and fun, though not that romantic. We had some great times together, working together on projects, competing against each other, playing with Excite (*giggles*)! We had our bad times, but most relationships have those. Neither of us came into SL to find romance or love, it just happened. He produced some clever idea's, a sign worn on the chest that listen to chat and showed a relevant emoticon, and a method of terrain mapping using sculpties.

As time went by, he got more and more involved in his mapping business, which had the potential of becoming a major business in SL. I tried to support him in whatever way I could, but that was usually to leave him get on with his work. He had commissions that took all his time up and little time for anything else. The last I saw of him was in his office at Shepherd Oh, Cartographers. He had been upset the previous night, feeling that I was ignoring him, he was also a little tipsy. I tried to talk to him the following day to sort our relationship out but he crashed a couple times, the last time he crashed was the _last_ time.

Its been over a month now since I last saw him, I have sent emails to him, but have received no reply. I cannot wait forever, and sooner or later I must move my life on, but that did not make it any easier. Breaking the partnership was a simple matter of ticking a box and clicking Submit, but that hides a whole bunch of emotions. My close friend Talia held me as I broke the partnership, she comforted me, without her support I don't know what I would have done. I cried as I did it, I cannot explain how I felt, perhaps like a part of me had gone. Some of you may think I have not waited long enough, what if he was in hospital, or ..., or ..., I know. My SL and RL are separate, to try to find him in RL would send the wrong signals, and if he has left me, I don't what to start chasing after him. A month is long enough for anything that may have happened to him to have past enough to send me an email.

Do I blame him, or myself, no. Perhaps it was both of us, I don't know. Without knowing the reason he disappeared I cannot place any blame. Perhaps this is the best way to end the relationship, not in anger, or hate, or dispassionately, but as a love that has gone. I wont forget him, he will always be somewhere in my heart.

I have decided not to tell anyone except for a few close friends, and you dear reader. SL is a wonderful place, a place to explore not just the virtual creations and worlds folk have made, but to explore yourself. To feel emotions that you cannot feel in RL, some good, some bad, some pleasurable, some painful, but all a part of you.

I feel strange, it may be do to with lack of sleep, I was up till after 5:30pm (though had a sleep in the evening), I feel fragile, weepy, but I know I have good friends in SL who will support me. Perhaps that I have to keep such emotions buried in RL dose not help, but that is the price you pay when you have a true Second Life.

I have rambled on enough I think, time to finish this post and get back to RL and my work.

Don't just exist, live.

Afon